I used to struggle with depression every day of my life. I was broken, empty and hopeless. I started going to church because a girl invited me to a teen movie night on a Sunday night. I felt something there I didn't feel anywhere else. There was an unexplained peace, safety and hope whenever I went there I had never felt before. I wanted that every day in every moment of my life. I didn't know how to have it or that it was available to me. I tried to find it with doctors, medications, therapy and other treatments but was even more empty instead of better. The only place I could catch a glimpse of what I anted was when I came into the presence of God in church. I really didn't understand how to be saved or what it meant to have a personal relationship with Christ.
I was given a Bible in an easy-to-understand translation and began to read it every day. I came to find more peace as I felt God start to speak to me through His word. I found Psalm 42 and 43, which are like one work in two parts. It talked about depression and loneliness like I was feeling. God began to draw me closer to Him through those words. I started to understand that I had to trust not in the doctors, medications and other methods of treatment that didn't work, but in God alone. My issue was a spiritual emptiness and not a medical imbalance. I began to read those 16 verses every day, several times a day. I found myself asking God to reveal Himself to me and how to have the peace I felt in church in my heart every day. I was like a deer panting after water in searching for answers in God.
Fast forward to September 20-21, 1998 over the midnight hour. I was completely broken inside. Though I believed in God and wanted His benefits, I didn't really know Him or have a relationship with Him. I was still empty and wanted to end my life. I began to load a shotgun to use to take my life. Why? Because I hated myself and thought God couldn't love me. No one explained to me how to be saved or what that really was about. I remember I apologized to God for being unlovable and being such a terrible person that I was. I put the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. It didn't go off, so I put in a new shell and tried again. The same result happened and I was angry and decided to try a third time. I couldn't understand why, but somehow I knew God was stopping my gun from going off. I didn't know the girl who had invited me to church was praying for me that night. That intercession caused God to intervene in my life and reveal Himself to me in that dark hour.
God spoke to me in a real way and He Himself led me to be saved and into a relationship with Him. That night started at 11pm and went over the midnight hour until about 4am. I had a lot of junk in me and He cleaned me out and set me free of that depression. I no longer needed medications, doctors, or treatments of any kind. I was cured, healed, restored, sane and peaceful for the first time in twelve years. There is much more to this story but I don't want to make this post too long. The girl who was praying for me is Kelly, who is now my wife. I am blessed!
Whenever I start to get discouraged or feeling out-of-sorts, I turn to Psalm 42 and 43. God still reminds me that sometimes you need to encourage, strengthen and preach to yourself. You need to remind yourself that God is your God when you have a relationship with Him. He has never left you or forsaken you and you can make it if you put your hope in Him! The days we live in with pandemic has a lot of people worried, scared, anxious, lonely and depressed. I have decided to put up a sixteen (16) day devotional I did some time ago that is a verse a day from Psalms 42 and 43. I pray you use it and that it encourages you.
If you need to know what it means to be saved or want someone to talk to, please drop a comment or send a message through the contact form found by going -> HERE. If you would like this devotional, please go to the home page and go the menu where you can log in or sign up to be a member. There is a member page for devotionals, downloads and special content for members only. I pray it blesses you as it has me over half my life!